What deh rass, did that mean.
I was working hard, but mathematics did not come naturally to me. The rest of my class was grasping the principles of Calculus, but I was lost in the wilderness and would never find my way back from this hinterland of rates of change, curves, and quantities. My maths teacher thought I was a hopeless case, and that really hurt. What I did in response to his belief was to strive for acceptance by him and force others to believe in me even if it meant emotional
blackmail, guilt trips, or lying.
It was just a matter of time before I realized this was not cool.
Why should I live up to their expectations?
I started living life for me.
After years of soul searching and relocation from Jamaica to the UK, I finally decided academia was not my 'ting.' I loved the sciences, but my grasp of mathematics would have been a handicap. The length of study for a degree was crazy, and the pay rates for a young scientist were diabolical. My ambition as the first astronaut of Jamaican parentage in space would not happen, I eased my disappointment by focussing on my other passion, writing.
I could have just secretly written my novels and sent my work out to be published, and no one would be the wiser. I should have kept my big mouth shut. Instead, I started talking about my goal and taking steps towards it. The backlash wasn't pretty. By this, I didn't care what my nearest and dearest felt; this is what I'd be doing.
I've been disappointed on numerous occasions as I imagined I'd get enthusiastic support from friends and family - I'd put my neck on the chopping block, only to realize I've just been beheaded.Then I started to see how these disappointments drove me forward, gave me fuel. And its a response I have continued to exploit to this day.
Nowadays, I face the online vitriol of haters and critics who have never read my work but feel qualified enough to tell me what I'm doing wrong. A great majority of them have never written anything in their lives outside of a comment or a complaint. They have no idea what goes into writing engaging fiction. What I do know is, it's a lot easier to criticize someone else's work than to make your own.
On one level, I love the criticism, the attacks, and the complaints because, over the years, I've developed my DGF - Don't Give a Fuck, muscle. When I have unsubscribes from my mailing list, I rejoice because I'm not a fit for them, and they're not a fit for me. I don't take it; personally, I've just developed DGF, and you, my beloved Constant Readers, should develop it too.
I can't promise you everything will be alright by taking this stance, life can be pretty harsh and brutal - browse through social media for a hit of dark reality, and that's okay. But one of the few things you have ultimate control over is your frame of mind. It all begins and ends within that softy spongy nerve tissue between your ears. Believe in something greater than yourself and go out into the world to bring it into being. If you can positively impact our
small blue planet - and I believe we all can, in big or small ways, then DGF what people think. You're having the negativity slung at you because you are pulling away from them and their toxic comfort zone.
Love it, because there is no better indication that you are moving in the direction you intended.
It's all inside us, everything we need. Set your goal and stay on the path, and you will begin to see that you're capable of so much more than you thought possible. I'm not saying you will win at everything you do, but the changes you must make of yourself to reach those goals means you can never truly fail. When the doubters emerge, smile because you know your progress is making them nervous. And that can only mean you're beginning to believe that you can
create a life you love.
