Don't Let the Fear Of Losing😠 be Greater Than the Excitement Of Winning🤩

Published: Fri, 09/25/20

May Your Choices Reflect Your Hopes Not Your Fears.
— Nelson Mandela

Suddenly I’m frozen at the old keyboard. I’m halfway through writing my first novel, and the realization that my finished work will soon be out in the world to be judged and critiqued has me almost catatonic. My fingers are frozen over the keys, and I’m hyperventilating. My anxiety attack may have been short-lived, but I remember every heart pumping, chest heaving, head swirling moment as I was bitch slapped by the fear of failure.
The tsunami of doubts came thick and fast.

F.E.A.R - Forget Everything And Rise

You’re a mediocre writer, Anton. Nobody wants to read your work.
Boring!
Give it up, man. You’re no Dean Koontz. You need talent, right?
Black authors don’t write action thrillers.
Who wants to read about an all-black cast of characters?
Speculative fiction, from your perspective, forget it.

Thankfully I pushed through. I didn’t stop taking action, but it rattled me good. I could see how people gave up on their dreams, but most importantly, I wanted to know what kept successful writers writing. I stumbled across something - as I do that allowed me to manage and sometimes overcome all these fear generated questions and giving me the confidence to do what I was meant to do.

Control the fear instead of giving in to it.

Often, we don’t give ourselves the space to analyze the what and the how of our thinking; we simply react. Fear is one such reaction, and so is anger, frustration, and overwhelm.

I have a terrible habit - personally, I don’t think it is, but my family disagrees.
I talk to myself when I’m under pressure but not just the ranting of a madman. There is a method to my madness. Do this when you’re alone, so you don’t get the crazy looks. What you’re about to do is take a step back from the fear you experiencing by asking yourself questions aloud. This exercise doesn’t work for me if I ask the questions in my head; it has to be out loud.

Why am I feeling fearful?
Where did that feeling come from?
Was it outside of me, from the TV, Newspaper, or Social Media?
Did I create it myself?
What made it appear in my life?
Does being fearful in this situation make sense?
Will fear help to resolve the challenge?
Will being afraid push me forward?

One year from now, can you say being fearful at this moment was the right decision?

Keep asking the questions, keep digging.
Be honest with your answers. Asking yourself these questions engages a part of your mind that will not lie to you and will not pull any punches either.
Your alone, remember. You impress no one.

You can feel the bullshit or the truth from your answers, and if you keep it real and analyze what you’re saying, you strip the fear of some of its power. Before this exercise, you would give in to the feeling, but now you want to know why you’re feeling it, where it came from, and should you even be experiencing it at all. This type of questioning can be applied to any negative emotion. For example, what triggered your anger? Don’t be just mindlessly angry. Interrogate yourself and discover the root. Never give in to these emotions without deeply questioning their validity because, in many instances, they are not real; they’re not your drama, so why should you embrace them. Only through these types of questions, you recognize the fakes these emotions can be. Your negative emotions will crumble under a barrage of questions, and as time passes, be forgotten mostly. Unfortunately, it’s a life long battle, but it gets easier. Learn to be suspicious of every negative emotion, don’t let them take root and cripple you. Learning to ask questions is the ability to distance yourself and have a degree of control over your own emotions. Once you can do that, take a long term perspective, focus on the process, and embrace the prospect of winning some and losing some, then you’re good. You can’t win it all. Sometimes you have to lose to win. But isn’t that better than the alternative?
To a great extent, fear is born of a story we tell ourselves, so I choose to say to myself I can.

Years later, after the panic attack of my first novel, I’ve questioned the shit out of my fears and negative emotions. Making sure I remove the sting. Never again will I allow them to cripple me into inaction. And I wish the same for you, Constant Reader.
Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway.

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