You've Got Enemies? Good, that means you actually stood up for something in your life.
— Unknown
"I can't read this boss, too much description. I even gave it to my wife to try and she agrees. It Just can't be read."
That was the comment from a good friend who attempted to read one of my books. Wow, you would have thought he was talking about War and Peace. But I tried to respect his
opinion. I was just taken aback by the finality of it. No words of encouragement. No, I'd enjoy it better if it was faster paced. Maybe I'll try another of your creations, or you need to work harder on your craft.
Something.
Instead, he just looked at me with a smug smile on his face that said,'Don't pack in your day
job'. Then started talking about his car.
At least I had to respect his honest lack of interest in helping me get better. So why am I getting hung up on his comments when I have a slew of positive reactions from other readers.
All human minds come equipped with what psychologists call negativity bias software. It's one of those things that we do by
giving the negative influences in our life more power than they deserve. It's that feeling you get when you have ten great reviews and then one bad review seems to overshadow, all the positive feedback you received earlier. Just like my friend and me. Even after our forefathers survived the dangers of the Savannah, that instinct is still hardwired into us as we give more weight to the negative events in our lives.
The more your work gets out to the wider world and impacts people, the more you will get the haters wanting to interrupt your flow. It's a natural consequence of how you are growing as a person but I've discovered something. While you do have the haters who come out of the blocks spitting venom and bile at you. Their intentions are clear and you have no doubt in your mind what they are about. But there are others who we call Frenemies in Jamaica, who for all intents and
purposes would be classified as friends if not for some flaws you can easily spot.
Here are some of the signs:
- They never support your work especially if it involves paying for it.
- Their eyes begin to glaze over when you talk about your plans.
- They always seem to be busy when you need some support morally or otherwise.
- They make jokes about what you do and
it's difficult to know whether they are laughing with you or at you.
- They will perfunctorily ask about what you're doing but will change the subject quickly if you begin telling them.
- They want to trump your achievements, so they never encourage you to positive action. Just keep telling you to be sensible..
Sounds familiar.
Oh, yes my constant reader there is much more to the hating game than meets the eye.
These kind of haters are insidious because they are in full view of you, acting as if they share your joy but will not contribute to your success and deep inside hope your progress is short lived.
It's taken me awhile to even
understand how this works because I had this naive idea that your friends would at least have your back.
